I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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