I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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