the condom got lost in my hair
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
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How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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