I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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