sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
