Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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