im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
