well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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