There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We had sex on a dog bed..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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