my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.