Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life

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(360): View more from Washington

not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(773): View more from Illinois

Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself

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(416): View more from Toronto

I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears

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(408): View more from California

tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk

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(703): View more from Virginia

Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself

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