She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
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Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body