Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
