I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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