can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
