It's just like the Real World with babies
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
