I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
