This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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