Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When are your genitals available?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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