ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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