So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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