When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
