i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
