Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
