Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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