she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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