Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
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My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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