Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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