I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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