I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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