We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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