Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
