Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
