The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This house was built for laser tag.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
