I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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