we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
