ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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