i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
