Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
