so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
