She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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