I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
