I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize