I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
