I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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