D3 body, D1 cock
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
