i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
