I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
