Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
