i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize