just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
