halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
