the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
