Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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