I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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