When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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