girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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