I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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