i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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