you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
