I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
