There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
