Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My ass is underappreciated
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
