so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
