TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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