so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
