Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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