Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
