he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
