omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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