When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
